Bus Zoo

I have been riding Sydney’s buses since 1979. Firstly, as a casual passenger, but since 1982 I have been a regular commuter taking a bus to work almost every day of the week. Conservatively I would have experienced well over 20,000 commuter bus trips.

Bus trips are like visiting the zoo, you wittness all different types of creatures and the behaviours they have developed to manage their way through their environment.

Some behaviours are cultural and differ throughout Sydney. For a start most Northern Beaches buses are non-speaking. They are quiet, rarely a conversation overheard. Whispers, yes, but loud, boisterous conversations; no!

On the other hand, a bus trip to Macquarie Park via Lane Cover can be a noisy conversational, community affair.

Similarly, if you are catching a bus to the Northern Beaches, Mosman or Cremorne, you will find orderly lines which wind along footpaths, and crawl along like a giant caterpillar. Not so when catching buses to some other suburbs, where clusters of people wait for their particular bus, and when it arrives the cluster moves forward like a swam as passengers squeeze their way on to the bus.

Once aboard you have the pleasure of experiencing the zoo that is Sydney commuter bus travellers.

At times we find the Alpha Male Sitter simply characterised by the legs spread wide open sitting position, as if his testicles are as large as shot-puts. Irrespective of whether he is a real alpha male at home or at work, on the bus he marks his territory, and for the most part is oblivious to the discomfort he forces upon other travellers.

Many a time we will find the Polite Sitter seated next to the Alpha Male Sitter. The Polite Sitter can be of all gender preferences. They perch their bottom politely, and unobtrusively in the small, cramped space the Alpha Male sitter has left for their fellow traveller. With have a bum cheek perched on the seat, and the other bum cheek precariously hanging into the corridor, the Polite Sitter needs to hold on tight as the bus lurches from side to side and races through the many corners and chicanes which form Sydney’s road networks.

Giraffe Legs are a breed of commuter who are usually tall, with long giraffe like legs. These travellers have never been considered by commuter seat designers, regardless of whether those seats have been designed for buses, trains, or airlines. Afterall, a budget airliner is simply a large flying bus, hence the brand Airbus!

The Giraffe Legs commuter, when located on the window seat-side, sits cramped with their legs on an uncomfortable angle, pressing into the back of the seat in front. If seated on the isle-side they have one cramped angled leg and another projecting like a trip hazard into the aisle.

When in the aisle seat, they too display similar behaviour to the Polite Sitter, holding on tight and mustering all their core strength to save themselves from falling into the aisle as the bus careers along.

Later in the afternoons and into the evenings we spy the Noddy Sleeper. A fascinating creature who slowly rests against their fellow traveller, nodding off into irregular micro sleeps. Such micro sleeps are quite often interrupted by a sudden reflex jolt as their pure primeval instinct abruptly brings their body back to commuting reality.  

There are two quite well defined variations of the Noddy Sleeper, and they are; firstly, the Noddy Sleeper Book Dropper. These creatures bolt upright in a new awakening as the book they were attempting to read thuds to the floor. Similarly, the Noddy Sleeper Phone Dropper awakens to the cold hard sound of their mobile phone smashing into the bus floor. As they gingerly retrieve their phone from the aisle, or under their seat, we all sense their silent prayer for limited to no damage.

On every bus we find a number of creatures who make up the Back Pack Wearers tribe. Young and old these are creatures seem to have little or no awareness that their back extends almost the width of another person. They are found squeezing onto a full bus trying to fit their oversized body into a space that even if the back pack was removed it would be tight. Alternatively, we find them turning to move further into, on or off the bus, and in so doing banging their fellow commuters in the head and sides with their back packs.

A variation of the Back Pack Wearer is the Shoulder Bag Carriers. These creatures carry large bags slung over their shoulder and are completely unaware of how they make contact with every Aisle Sitter’s head as they make their way to the back of a crowded bus. Their supersized bag bulging out from their side clattering against the shoulders and heads of innocent Aisle Sitters.

An interesting, but far more aware and cunning variation of the Back Pack Wearer tribe is the Bag Sitter. These cunning creatures will place their bag or back pack in the seat space next to them, trying to deceive fellow travellers that the seat is actually taken. The most cunning of this breed will sit perched on the aisle seat side with their bag secure on the window side. They are happy to see fellow travellers stand for the entire journey so long as they have a seat all to themselves.

Their guile and cunning is only matched by the Assertive Traveller, who will request the bag be moved so they can sit. This request is received in two distinct ways, the first is fained surprise, as if the Bag Sitter was not aware that their bag was occupying a seat other travellers were entitled to sit on.

The second response comes with rolled eyes and upset look with a reluctantly slow removal of the bag. The Bag Sitter is one of the most cunning of travellers.

The Termination Stop Bellringers, are the most fascinating creatures. Fully aware that the bus is reaching its termination stop, at which point all travellers must disembark, they still are driven by the need to ring the ‘bus stop’ bell. A superfluous and redundant activity, but a defining behaviour of the Termination Stop Bellringers.

Akin to the Termination Stop Bellringers are the Impatient Travellers who have the need to leave their seat and make their way to the bus door, ensuring they are one of the first to alight. They push forward with impatient purpose and one can only assume that they are either running late or have an urgent appointment. Punctuality may be a redeeming characteristic of these travellers.

An extinct traveller, once making up considerable numbers on buses of years gone by, were the Newspaper Folders. This tribe would fold a broad sheet newspaper with origami dexterity, working their way through the complex article sequenced from page to page of a newspaper the width and breadth of a picnic card table. Newspaper folding is a long lost art, and long gone are these travelling creatures, with their newspapers driven out by the ubiquitous smart phone. The smart phone is now an essential item of commuter travel, and I expect in the future, we may not be allowed access to a commuter bus without one.

The Logical Traveller has come to believe that public buses are spaces for self and spatial awareness. They are a space for tolerance and forgiveness. They are the heart of diversity and the melting pot of urban existence.

To other fellow travellers they are a necessary evil that one must endure to make your way to work.

In summer they are hot, in winter they are sometimes hotter. They are at times wet, cold, icy with summer air conditioning blaring during mid-Winter, uncomfortable, convenient, too slow, too fast, late, early, irregular, reliable, and unreliable. They are all things to all travellers.

As frustrating as they can be, from a Zen disposition they are neither good nor bad, they just are. From an Anthropological perspective they are a human zoo of fascinating creatures displaying fascinating survival behaviours.

L90

There are men in cowboy hats and walking sticks,

With untidy grey hair tuffs of missed shaving bits.

School girls thumbing mobile phones,

Short skirts and pleasant skin tones.

Mothers with toddlers clinging to hands.

Breaking away running, ignoring commands.

Are they Uni students or under employed,

Those variety of tidy and scruffy 20’s something girls and boys?

Ladies in their twin sets, all cardigan and hair,

Handbags and shoes and matching stare.

Suit and tie and hurried look

The businessman speedily reads his book.

The bus rocks like a dinghy bobbing on a rough sea

The motor screaming at the people on the L90.

Craig

31/12/2024Copyright Craig Buller 2024. All rights reserved